11 Thoughts Headed Into the Weekend

1. Falling down’s as common as the rain.

2. It’s been nearly a month since my last blog, which means my New Year’s resolution is now shot to hell. I apologize to my 14 readers (yes, readership has miraculously expanded during my hiatus) for leaving you hanging for so long. I could explain what I’ve been up to but it would be ungentlemanly for me to elaborate.

3. A funny conversation I had last week with a total stranger:

Woman: Any one ever tell you you look like a smaller, underdeveloped Clark Kent?

Me: That’s pretty funny. Anyone ever tell YOU you look like an inflated, overdeveloped Wonder Woman? Who are you, anyway?

Woman: I’m Julia.

Me: Hi Julia, I’m Nate. Nice to meet you, I guess.

Woman: Yeah, you too.

(end scene)

4. I think it’s cruel to have double-doors and keep only one of them operational, unless there’s a hidden camera on them, in which case it’s hilarious.

5. Yesterday afternoon I saw some guy walking his dog with a surgeon’s mask over his face (the guy, not the dog). I get it, of course — the pollen and whatnot — but c’mon man, you look ridiculous.

6. Whenever I walk by someone (or them by me) in relatively close quarters, I always hold my breath until he or she and the air they drag along with them have passed so I don’t have to smell them. Is that weird?

7. Last week while at work I had to remove a bird’s nest from the underside of the patio roof, as all kinds of debris from the nest (including but not limited to poop) had been falling on guests’ tables. I carefully pulled it down and relocated it to a nearby tree. The next day, I had to remove another nest from the exact same place, surely built by the same persistent bird. Whereas most folks would have been annoyed, I couldn’t help but be impressed as there’s no way in hell I could ever build something so delicate, so intricate, and so necessary for sustaining life, all with my face. And certainly not in one day.

8. I wonder if my last name will ever be converted into a wildly popular act, a la “Tebowing.” What would “Beavering” look like? This may be the only time I invite y’all to make jokes sure to be at my expense, so make ‘em good.

9. For forever I thought the first line of Kenny Loggins’s “Footloose” was “Been working so hard/I’m punching my car.” Having heard it again just yesterday, I realize now that the speaker is punching his “card,” not his “car.” Obviously this makes more sense, but I’m disappointed to have to dissolve the mental picture I’ve had for over twenty years of some guy denting the hell out of his driver’s side door with his fist after a long day of work.

10.  A couple of weeks ago this girl at the bar accused me of having a fake British accent, non-prescription glasses, and vampire teeth. Then she asked for my number. I don’t think she understands how all that is supposed to work.

11. This marks the first of my Friday “Thoughts Headed Into the Weekend” posts to begin with a quote (a non NB quote, rather, David Wilcox in this case). I think I kinda like the idea. This way, if the post gets off to a slow start, for once I’m not accountable.

Seriously, thank y’all for your patience while I was in outer space. I’ve not quite touched down yet but have finally reentered the atmosphere after orbiting for nearly a month.

More to come…

Have a great weekend,


5 thoughts on “11 Thoughts Headed Into the Weekend

  1. Not sure what “Beavering” would look like either, but I feel that it would most certainly take place on Saturday Night….

  2. Somehow, I missed your blog before now, Nathan. I will definitely try to read it more often. After all, you have always been on of my favorite people.

  3. I definitely hold my breathe when walking past people too…
    Beavering= successfully protecting someone from an irate customer/human being by building a protective dam made out of charm/ pity laughs/ lies/ and a free taco card!

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