13 Thoughts Headed Into the Weekend

1. “You look more like someone who should be fixing my computer than someone who’s serving me drinks.” -Customer, to me

2. According to Ananda Varma at FastWebHost.com, my blog was “compromised” this week… When clicking “Blog” from the NB.com home page, this is all that would come up:

Apparently Tim Tebow hacked my blog (zing!). Or maybe I just pissed off the wrong person, like this guy, this guy, or this lady

3. Every so often I get so bored that I consider finding Jesus again so I’ll have someone to talk to. I’ve surely done stranger things out of loneliness.

4. For the first time in nearly five years I’m playing organized soccer again. My old high school coach, Coach Sohrabi, called me up to see if I wanted to join the church league team he put together. I happily obliged despite one very big catch (from FPC Adult Co-Ed Soccer League Rules, General Policies, Number 2):

“NO FOUL LANGUAGE: Any words you wouldn’t use when talking to your mother, don’t use during the soccer game.”

Fuck me, are you serious? I’ll be lucky to make it through the first half.

Sunday’s game is at 1:30pm at Oak Hill Presbyterian on Franklin Road, just across from Overton High School. I’d recommend you wait at least until Sunday School lets out to begin tailgating. Thanks.

5. Did any of your teachers ever have this sign posted on his or her desk?

My ninth grade geometry teacher did. After she brought our attention to it on the first day of class, I raised my hand and said “Mrs. Adams, I don’t get it. Am I being obtuse?”

I was not her favorite student. I wasn’t Mrs. Harville’s favorite, either.

6. I recently told Lindsey something I’d previously told only one other person. Now she says I probably need therapy. Maybe she’s right.

I tried therapy once before (it didn’t take), but I think I could be up for it again if there were a way to combine it with golf lessons. It certainly would help me get in touch with my anger.

7. Just about every time I encounter someone wearing a Braves hat, I say “Go Braves” as if to say “I share your enthusiasm for the Atlanta Braves and appreciate your public show of support.” I usually get an affirmative “Go Braves” in return, but every so often there’s some guy that doesn’t seem to have any idea what I’m talking about. He’ll either look totally confused or act like I’ve said something offensive. Why are you wearing the hat then, asshole? You know that doesn’t stand for “Abercrombie,” right? What a hack.

Also, this weekend marks Chipper’s final games in NYC. Give ‘em hell, Larry!

8. Now that I’m a watch guy, I feel naked when I forget to put it on…. not in a good way, like when I forget to put on pants, but in a bad way, like when Grandpa does.

9. Speaking of which, remember that movie Wild Things? Right when it came out, I heard someone say “Has anyone seen Wild Things yet? I hear you get to see Kevin’s Bacon.” I always thought that was funny. Also, Denise Richards, where have you (and that bottle of champagne) gone?

10. A friend of mine, Denae Nicole Gaunce, recently asked me the following hilarious question:

“In order to pee a guy needs to have a boner, right?”

Bless your heart, Denae. And no, we tend to pee flaccid. You’ve obviously never seen The Goonies, either

11. I swear to God, sometimes even I look at him and think he’s not real.

12. A funny conversation I had with Lindsey:

Me: When people ask me how tall I am, I like to say “five-foot-nine soaking wet.” Is that funny?

L: But you’re not five-foot-nine.

Me: I’m afraid you’re missing the point.

L: I’m afraid you’re not tall enough to reach it.

Then I beat her. End scene.

13. I’m thinking about getting a Bluetooth. Those are still cool, right?

Have a great weekend,

-nb

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