1. “To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making.” -Otto von Bismarck
2. After I pitched the idea last week several of you have voiced your support of “Nate’s Drink and Drive,” the bar/driving range I’d like to open when I retire. I really think we might have something here and am open to more ideas… help me brainstorm the following?
- tag lines
- t-shirt concepts
- floor plan
- deals/specials (free balls for designated drivers, etc.)
- live music?
- potential investors/sponsors
3. Speaking of golf, I played with some guy Friday who after a particularly lucky shot said “Hey, even a blind pig finds an acorn.” What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Also, I might as well not even carry a sand wedge as I have no clue how I’m supposed to swing it.
4. I can’t decide what kind of neighbor I want to be to these kids on my street.
Should I be “Old Man Beaver,” the menacing curmudgeon that yells and shakes his fist at them for playing and laughing too loud? Or the kind “Mr. Beaver” that smiles warmly and waves when driving by? For now, I guess I’m just the creep at the end of the street that takes photos of neighborhood children from his kitchen window.
5. I’m 34 years old. If I haven’t figured out who I am by now, should I assume I’ll always be nobody?
6. One time in college (if you round up I’m a junior) we went to the Georgia Theatre to see Zoso, a Led Zeppelin cover band. They put on a hell of a show but took themselves a little too seriously. After the show I asked “Robert Plant” if they ever perform “Fool in the Rain,” my favorite Zeppelin song at the time. In a fake British accent (these guys were from Florida, for Christ’s sake) the smug, shirtless frontman replied, “Led Zeppelin never played it live so of course we don’t.” Zeppelin didn’t grow up in St. Petersburg either, jerk off.
7. One of my employees recently called me a narcissist. Regardless of whether or not that’s true, I don’t see how the sex I have with dead bodies is any of her business.
8. If I ever quit my current position for the opportunity to manage the crab shack down the road, I’m going to host a nationally televised press conference to tell America I’ve decided to “take my talents to South Street.”
Special thanks to Mark Dusing for this joke.
9. The Braves are red hot and are so, so fun to watch. And if you don’t know who Evan Gattis a.k.a El Oso Blanco (“The White Bear)” is, educate yourself and enjoy watching this guy swing the bat — without batting gloves, might I add.
10. My new favorite site. Delicious AND hilarious!
11. I’m not sure what scares me more: that I’ll soon run out of material or that I actually ran out months ago.
Have a great week,