1. “All first drafts are shit.” -Ernest Hemingway
2. If everybody’s talking about it, why haven’t I heard of it?
3. Yesterday I bought my first new set of golf clubs. It may not make me a better golfer but it sure does make me bad with money.
4. A humbling exchange I had with Lindsey:
Me: Lindz, do you think I’ll ever win any sort of lifetime acheivement award?
Lindsey: Hell no.
5. I need an intern.
6. Cute babies think they’re such hot shit.
7. Someone told me I look like “Frodo with a skinnier neck.”
If that’s true, is it because his neck is so wide that mine looks narrow by comparison, or because mine is truly skinny in and of itself? Either way, now I have another complex to go along with my bowed legs, small biceps, and huge penis complexes.
8. Another humbling exchange:
Me: Lindz, would you be quick to agree that I’m the coolest guy you know?
Me: So you’re saying that I am in fact the coolest guy you know but that it would take you awhile to reach that conclusion?
Lindsey: No. I would never agree with that. You’re not even slightly cool.
9. I wonder how many New Orleans babies born since August 2005 have been named Katrina, if any.
10. I recently made my first visit to the InterAsian market on Nolensville Road (pretty great, but cash only, FYI). While pulling out of the parking lot I thought about how funny it’d be to look around and see evidence of some stereotypical awful Asian parking/driving. Then I backed over a curb. Life is funny.
11. Few things make me angrier than trying to separate two tangled coat hangers.
12. I’m still new to this drinking coffee thing and as such I have no idea what to order in coffee shops. Two days ago I tried to order a half-caffeinated/half-decaf coffee but they told me they were out of “drip coffee.” I didn’t know what the hell that meant. They recommended I try an Americano instead. I didn’t know what the hell that meant either but said “okay” and a few minutes later they handed me something that looked to me a lot like coffee. When I went over to add cream and sugar, however, I sensed the shit heads at the table behind me pointing and laughing. IS IT POOR FORM OR SOMETHING TO PUT CREAM AND SUGAR IN A MOTHERFUCKING “AMERICANO”? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.
13. People in coffee shops think they’re such hot shit.
14. If you can avoid using the terms “springboard,” “client retention,” and/or “outside of the box” I’ll be much more likely to consider using your product or service. Thanks.
15: I saw this recently at Kroger over in the produce section:
American Idol phenom, country/pop crossover superstar, NOW a fitness guru? Kind of a stretch, don’t you think?
Have a good week,