Fifteen Thoughts Headed Into the Week

1. “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” W.C. Fields.

2. I’m thrilled to announce that readership has expanded to 29! Special thanks to Mark Blumberg, Alex Carey, and Nonie Ravenberg. Attention Matt Green: I’m counting on you to be my 30th.

If you are a regular visitor to this blog and I haven’t mentioned you, please let me know! Maybe I’m closer to the half-century mark than I think.

3. I’m also happy to tell you that I’ll be playing a show next month (June 15) as part of Poverty is Real‘s Decatur concert series. This marks my first show of any kind in over a year and my first Atlanta-area show in nearly two. Am I nervous? Of course, don’t be an idiot.

4. I just saw a preview for Fast and Furious 6. Finally, one more for my collection.

5. I have this thing with armpits. You see, any time someone — male or female, sleeveless or fully clothed — raises their arm, I absolutely MUST look at their armpit. I simply can’t help it and usually I’ve already sneaked (snuck?) a peek before even realizing what I’m doing. I have a problem and strangely enough I blame former Celtics power forward and Hall of Famer Kevin McHale.

Now I don’t know if Mr. McHale (seen here, raising the roof) and his armpits made the same impression on other kids back in 1986 but I distinctly remember watching him shoot free throws and being totally mesmerized by those shadowy caverns under his arms, the sweatiest and hairiest my ten-year-old eyes had ever seen. I can’t explain it, but ever since then any exposed pit has attracted my gaze.

Is something wrong with me?

6. I can’t seem to put on weight no matter how much I eat.

7. I used to go to church camp every summer. We’d spend all week talking about how much God loves us and how much we love each other then on the last night we’d have a giant shaving cream fight. That all sounds terrible to me now, mostly because I hate shaving.

8. Somewhere some girl just read #6 and said, “Oh my God I hate that little Nathan Beaver SO. MUCH.”

9. As we speak I can see Lindsey on our back deck putting up strands of lights for the housewarming party we’re having soon (details forthcoming). In about three minutes something will go slightly wrong and she’ll curse under her breath. Then I’ll go out there and say “Lindz, do you need my help?” to which she’ll reply, “No, idiot, I don’t need your fucking help, I got it.” This is gonna be great.

10. Speaking of Lindsey… I understand (I guess) how one could get Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder confused, but I’m dumbfounded as to how she could have ever thought the movie Ray was about Stevie Ray Vaughn.

You’ll have to ask her to explain because I sure as hell can’t.

11. First, my doctor says I should drink less. Then, he tells me breakfast is the most important meal of the day. YOU’RE GIVING ME MIXED SIGNALS, DOC.

12. I don’t mean to piss on John Sebastian’s grave or anything (in fact I don’t even know if the former Lovin’ Spoonful frontman is dead yet), but that song “Summer in the City” is terrible.

13. I received this email last week:

Sorry, sweetheart. I will not be “answering you letter” but it’s nice to know I’m still desirable, thanks.

14. Did you ever have those guys at your high school that never seemed to carry a book bag, a book, or even a pencil? How did these people even graduate? Maybe they didn’t. Who cares?

15. When the elastic in your boxers starts to wear out go ahead and throw them away ’cause those things are done, man.

Have a great week,


4 thoughts on “Fifteen Thoughts Headed Into the Week

  1. If anyone is judging me solely on your blog commentary, they must think I’m a big idiot bitch.

  2. Lindsey.

    Please start a blog of your own.
    Write a version of “15 things…” from YOUR perspective.
    Get more laughs and followers than Nathan.
    Sit back and smugly drink a margarita.

    That should take about 10-14 business days.

  3. So first you notice that more than 30 people read your blog on a regular basis, and then you don´t post anything for 4 months? Way to keep us interested.

  4. Pingback: 15 Thoughts Headed Into the Weekend (Thursday Version) | Nathan Beaver

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