1. “If it weren’t for all the joy and merriment, I could really get into Christmas.” -Leigh Houison
2. Sometimes I think it’s funny to watch humans pick up little humans (most often their son, daughter, niece, or nephew) and pass them around like a loaf of bread. I get it, like I said I just think it’s funny.
3. No matter how poorly your car is performing don’t ever take it in to get looked at. They’re just gonna tell you it’s gonna take hundreds of dollars to fix whatever needs fixing (the same reason I refuse to see a psychiatrist).
4. I sat a few tables down from Luke Bryan at a restaurant the other day. You know, to look at the guy you wouldn’t think he’d be capable of writing such a lyrical masterpiece. Shows how much I know.
5. If you guys haven’t seen my good friend Jamie “James” Ponsoldt‘s latest film, Smashed, please do so. It’s honest, real, and very moving… in fact, it’s fantastic in every way and I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t thrust him into directorial superstardom (go here, here, and here for reviews).
Now that I’m thinking about it, Jamie currently resides in LA… maybe he’d use his Hollywood connections to finally get me a shot with Marisa Miller, though from what I hear these days it’d be like throwing the proverbial hot dog down the proverbial hallway:
Still, how ’bout it, Jamie? For old times’ sake?
6. My favorite barbecue in town by far is B&C, located just down the road from me in the Melrose Kroger* shopping center. The pulled pork is exceptional, the sides are second to none (you MUST have the garlic cheese grits), and the sauces are out-of-this-world delicious. The only thing that bothers me, however, is the arrangement of framed photos on the wall just to the left of the cash register:
That’s just great. Before I walk out the door, please remind me that I’m about to eat an adorable little animal that may or may not have once worn a pair of cute-as-hell oversized novelty sunglasses.
7. Speaking of pigs, I’m not a sweaty person but I do sweat more than I’d like to (my odor/wetness phobias are well documented). Question, though: what causes the yellowish hue that appears in the armpits of my undershirts after significant wear? Is it the sweat itself, or is it some chemical in the anti-perspirant/deodorant? In other words, if I were to stop using anti-perspirant/deodorant, would my shirts’ armpits then be devoid of any discoloration?
I’d love to conduct a controlled experiment but there’s no way in hell I’m going without anti-perspirant/deodorant for one day, let alone the weeks or months probably necessary to collect enough significant data.
Hippies, what have YOU learned? Please share.
8. She’s had a hard day, somebody get this kid a drink!
9. A few songs that work well using Hank-related replacement lyrics:
“Always” by Atlantic Starr
Hank you are to me all that a woman should be…
“Mandy” by Barry Manilow
Oh Hankie, well you came and you gave without taking…
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” by Franki Valli
I love you Hankie, and if it’s quite alright I need you Hankie…
There are more songs currently in the rotation but I can’t summon them right now. Also, any suggestions?
10. NB.com readership has expanded to twenty-one! Special thanks to Taylor Hart, James “Teddy” Cheek, and Stacy Sexton. Tell your friends, everybody! Maybe by year’s end we’ll hit the quarter-century mark.
Taylor recently asked me how I know just how many blog readers I have. The thing is, I don’t really know… about a year ago I knew of only ten people that had ever laid eyes on it, so I started with “10″ and added one any time someone new told me they’d read it. I could probably find out exactly how many page views/unique visitors the blog attracts but I’m terrified to do so.
11. Barring any technicalities I’ll be closing on my house on January 24th, which means I’ll be moving in on the 25th. For my first act I’d like to breakdance on the living room hardwood floor after walking through the front door for the first time as the home’s new owner. The problem is, I don’t know any real moves. Would anybody out there be willing to show me some moves? I’ve got three and a half weeks to learn, I’m light on my feet, and not completely uncoordinated. Also, I don’t need an entire repertoire, just some basic top rock maneuvers and a Zulu spin or two.
Can anyone help? I can pay you back in empty boxes, which for any true breakdancer should be payment enough.
Have a good weekend,
*For other anecdotes involving the Melrose Kroger, go here.